Soooo, the though processes are still going. If anything, I can almost feel the cogs whirring and little gears ticking into place. Very little ones but, just like a clock, there are lots of little parts to me and they all work together to achieve one thing. In me, that's being happy.
It's been hard to work out how to keep blogging after writing such an emotion laden post but I was so truly bolstered by the genuine, heartfelt comments left and emails received that I thought I should have a go.
I've joined up for Michelle Bridge's 12WBT (12 Week Body Transformation). I have numerous real life friends who have completed one, if not more, rounds of this program and they all express such enthusiasm and support that it's hard not to be infected with their positivity.
So that's what I've done. I'm infected. Apparently with that crazy exercise bug. It really doesn't suit me right now but when I fully acknowledge that I weigh 111kg, I'm sure it will grow on me (pardon the pun).
And a comment I made this morning really reflected how my thinking is slowly, ever minutely, changing. I was down the beach at 7am this morning with my melon head dog Banjo, my good friend Kelly and her big boofa Pyrenean, Beau. We were discussing fitness and how I was going with the preseason tasks for 12WBT. I said, "But now I'm going to have to stop thinking of myself as the depressed girl.". SO telling. Yep. I have been depressed for so long and down and sad and miserable that it's habit. It's how I see myself.
Not for much longer. Yep. Not much at all.