I hurt inside.
I hurt a lot and I dislike myself immensely sometimes.
Other times I think I am absolutely fabulous and feel about 40% motivated. That's the high times.
I have just read on the interwebs that the medication I take, sertraline, to treat my PMDD (PreMenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) causes apathy and loss of motivation.
I have spent the last four or so months hating on myself, thinking I was the reason for losing my sewing mojo. Thinking I was slack and a lazy person for not getting stuck into my craft and business every day. For not wanting to bother about keeping the house clean. For losing motivation on things I'd start when I was feeling good.
I am experiencing a side effect from my medication which is treating my anger and anxiety and it's causing a different type of anger at myself and stress about my apathy.
I sit here with tears in my eyes and a sad soul as I feel that I have been hating myself unnecessarily. I'm not the cause of my apathy. I'm not the bad person for being lazy and tired and unmotivated.
I've been trying to fix myself and that treatment has been kicking me in the ass behind my back.
I've had enough.
It's time to change this.
I'm pressing publish before I hate myself enough to delete this.